Yeah so like, did you know we are cursed when it comes to gigs? Using the power of elimination apparently I'm the sole purpose for the curse, so maybe it was a bad idea to sacrifice that baby in the skin of a sacred goat back in the day. So I have compiled some of the events and things that we have been through, and things to consider when booking us....
1) THE LINE-UP/BILL
We are essentially four bratty boys making alot of noise, think cerebral crushing feedback, screeching delay that will push your eyeballs out, walls of noise akin to a tsunami and vocals that tell you about rape, murder and burning alive.
Therefore the best bill to have us on seems to be...
Folk - whimsical tales of love and happy things, mainly solo artists
Shit Metal - must have long hair, shit scarves, guitars in the shape of a penis
American Pop - you know, jocks, proms and all that jazz
Ambient Electronica - because people like nothing better than having their face and ears melted after some nice ambient beats
Seriously, we have only ever been on a few suitable bills, note to promoters...we don't suit a folk bill. This harks back to the day when LCS! were sandwiched between two jazz ensembles, I think they miss read our 'spazz-pop' tag....
2) On stage accidents
I will cut myself, if you are standing close I'm afraid you will more than likely be sprayed with my blood. It's ok, I don't have aids, I've had the tests and all that YEAH! It's not my fault, I just have a weak spot on my finger that explodes everytime Joe hits his pedals.
Also Ben has a weird bunion on his hand, that seems to be from playing bass, although I think it's from all his limp wrist posturing, chances are puss will be present, so don't shake his hand.
Joe, ahh, sweet innocent Joe, basically, he is like a seal thats been hung and is writhing around the stage splashing saliva and blood. He once knocked over a cymbal stand that severed my guitar lead...underneath a carpet! WORK OUT HOW THE FUCK THAT HAPPENED. cus we like, totally can't. must be his incredible strength.
As for Darren, he likes to throw sticks, puss, blister jizz, snares and insults at anyone who crosses his path. Oh and once he shot a baby fox right between the eyes by accident.
3) On stage electronics - i.e pedals, amps, leads
these will all break, fact. Every gig, except the one with future of the left, we have broken something and had to pause. It's usually Joe's pedals or Ben's Bass, "How the fuck does the lead come out the back?" , good question Ben...Good question....
4) Everything else..
you may get injured, your ears will definately be left ringing, you probably will get 5 minutes of silence whilst we work out which pedal has broken and you more than likely will not 'get' us. But we always provide fun and are a happy bunch, so come along anyway YEAH?!
5) DO NOT TAUNT US...
we played a party, in a gazebo, in a field, the guy who introduced us baited us with this ' these guys reckon they're too hardcore for us, so let's show them they aren't' , we then unleashed 3 minutes of noise to which the crowd reaction was.... 'turn it down, no one wants to listen to that..' which thus proved that crowd weren't 'hardcore' enough for us. They even went and stood in the rain to get away, they did ask us to play a jack johnson cover though. Interesting. Jokes on them as after we left their gazebo collapsed....narf...see I TOLD you we were cursed! You don't have to be hardcore to come watch us, just be ready, and don't be a hiphop lover..
So yeah. Fun huh.
Also Joe see's dead cats
love love
x
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